Five minute fiction – love and handcuffs

September 6, 2009

I had a boyfriend back when I was about 25 or 26. He was always really neurotic about things. I’d come out into the living room in my bra and panties and he’d look away as if I was his sister or something.

It was fucking awful. Looking back now, I’m not real sure why we started dating, but I think it had something to do with me drinking heavily. Anyway, we were sitting on the sofa one day. We were watching some crappy thing on sci fi channel…one of those cgi mutant monster movies. I looked around at him. He was watching it like he was a goddamned sheep. I reached over and grabbed his shirt, threw him down on the floor and got on top of him. I ripped my shirt off and pinned him down.

He started screaming. I slapped him. “WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?” I screamed back at him.

Later on, when I had put another shirt on and wasn’t quite so insane anymore, I sat down next to him and held his hand. “Look.” I said, “I love you…kind of anyway…And… we’ve got to do something. You’re boring. Haven’t you ever wanted to just…I don’t know…cut loose?” He looked like I’d just kicked his favorite puppy. “Come on.” I said. “Haven’t you? Isn’t there…something kinky you’ve always wanted to try?”

He sat there, looking kind of unsure of what to say. Finally, he said, “Bondage.”

BONDAGE! There we go, I thought. So, we went down to a sex shop that a friend of mine worked at. We got handcuffs, some oils, incense…I even got a whip, just for the hell of it. It was all going to be very romantic.

Let me tell you something. Bondage is not romantic. I handed the whip and handcuffs to him, and laid out on the bed. He looked horrified. “What?” he asked. I could have strangled him. “You want me…to…handcuff YOU?” He didn’t know what to do with himself. “Yeah.” I said. He shook his head with an emphatic no no no no no no look on his face.I grabbed him and threw him down on the bed and cuffed him to the headboard. I ripped his shirt off and licked his nipples. Then I pulled his pants off.

He whimpered. I looked up at him as I was yanking his trousers over his shoes. “That hurts…the handcuffs are too tight.” he cried out.

I think I lost my mind temporarily. Because the next thing I did, I grabbed the whip out of the bag of goodies we’d gotten, pulled my arm back really fucking far, and….I beat the fucking SHIT out of him.  For about an hour. The entire time, I was screaming at him about what a useless shithead couch potato asshole he was.  I finally stopped when the whip broke. It was cheap, what can I say?

He was bawling his eyes out. Apparently, I’d been screaming another guy’s name while I was flogging him. We broke up not too long after that.


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